Chapter 6: Heal Me
Brian rolled over automatically reaching out searching for Justin only to find he was alone. He sucked air into his lungs as the pain slammed into him. Yes, he'd known this day was coming for a few weeks but it didn't make it any easier to bear. He pulled Justin's pillow close and buried his face breathing in deeply trying to find his scent. Nothing. He looked around his bedroom and noticed everything was gone. Nothing was left. He took a shaky breath determined to keep his promise and not cry. Why had he promised such a stupid thing? Brian Kinney didn't cry…yeah, right. That was before he learned that his heart wasn't made of stone. At the moment, he felt like a child who wanted to cry with all his heart, but he couldn't. He had another promise to keep.
He crawled out of bed and walked into the shower seeing Justin's laughing face every where he looked. How the hell was he going to survive this? He quickly showered and dressed. He had to get the fuck out of here before he lost his mind. "I made you a promise and I'm going to keep it."
He locked up and took the elevator down. He could almost hear Justin's voice. "Don't worry, Brian. I will always be with you."
He shook his head and swallowed the huge lump in his throat as he climbed into his 'vette and headed for the cemetery. He was going to see Justin on Christmas morning, just like he promised.
He drove into the cemetery and headed for the huge oak tree in the corner. He climbed out and walked slowly toward the lone headstone. He brushed some leaves off the grave and looked at the marker. After a moment, he placed his palm against the cold stone feeling the chill sink into his very soul. "I'm here just like I promised."
He used his free hand to wipe at the moisture gathering in his eyes. He wouldn't cry! He tried to take a few calming breaths as his fingers traced the name engraved on the stone. "Why couldn't we meet before all this happened? Why couldn't you stay with me? What good does it do for me to know I can fall in love and then have it taken away? You've only been gone a few hours and I already feel like it's been an eternity."
Brian sat down on the cold ground next to the grave unconcerned that he was ruining his expensive Armani pants. He folded his arms around his body and slowly rocked back and forth as he felt the pain intensify to a level he wasn't sure he could handle. He looked up at the over cast sky and screamed, "Why the fuck did you leave me?!"
Light appeared before the chosen one in all his brilliant glory. "He will never leave you as long as you remember him and the love he felt for you."
Brian looked up at the brilliant light using his hands to shade some of the glare. "You must be Light."
Light bowed. "At your service."
"Bring him back to me."
"That I can't do. What you ask is beyond my ability, but I can make it easier for you to bear. I can wipe your memories of him. You'll retain the lessons he taught but won't have the pain of remembering him."
Brian jumped up and started backing away. "Don't you fucking dare! Don't even think it! All I have left are my memories! You took him from me, but I'll be damned if I'll let you wipe him out completely!"
"I didn't take him away from you. He was already dead. You know that."
"He wasn't dead!" Brian screamed then turned his back on Light whispering softly, "Not to me. He'll never be dead to me."
"You have to move on and live your life. Justin gave up the opportunity of being reborn so he could help you. If you blow it, then all his sacrifices will have been for nothing. Do you understand?"
Brian turned and looked at Light. "I'll keep the promises I made to him as best as I can, but I want to remember him. I need to remember him. Someone has to. He deserves that much at least."
There was an explosion of light and when Brian's eyes adjusted he was alone. He heard a voice whisper, "As you wish."
He walked slowly to back to his car wondering how he was supposed to just go on with his life with all the things he knew. He opened the door and slid inside. The passenger side of his car was packed with brightly wrapped presents and he heard Justin's voice say, "Go play Santa."
Brian shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to fight off the migraine that was threatening to emerge. The gang was going to be surprised at the changes in him and they wouldn't even have the memory of Justin to explain why it was all happening. He turned the key and started the powerful engine. It was time to keep promise number three. He'd kept the first two promises so far. He hadn't cried, well not really, and he'd visited the grave.
Brian delivered each present to his friends and family. He played the part of Santa to perfection and kept thinking how proud Justin must be. After the day's festivities, he drove back to the loft, climbed into his bed alone and stared up at the ceiling.
"I kept my promises. I always keep my promises, but the last one is going to be tough. How am I supposed to find someone else to love when you have my heart?" He grabbed Justin's pillow and held it close as he waited for sleep to claim him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I want to go back right NOW!" Justin watched Brian through the portal.
"It doesn't work that way and you know it." Truth shook his head.
"I did everything you asked of me. I never asked for anything until now. I need to go back. He needs me…can't you see that?" Justin paced around the chamber running his fingers through his hair.
Truth looked over at his brothers. "Do we make an exception?"
Darkness stepped forward. "We can send him back, but he can't keep his memories."
Justin stopped pacing and stared at the Powers. "You can't take my memories!"
Light touched Justin's shoulder. "It's the only way we can send you back now."
"How will I know him? How can I help him? I need to keep my memory."
Truth sighed. "If you are meant to be with him, then you'll find a way without your memories. It is the only way we can send you back and you must make your decision now." He waved his hand over the portal and the image changed. A young blond man was climbing into a car with a very attractive woman. "In ten minutes, that car is going to be hit by a truck. No one is going to survive, so you can slip into his body and take over his life."
"So I won't be me anymore?"
"You'll still be you, but you'll also be him. You will merge and become someone new. You'll have all his memories, but your personality will be there as well." Truth looked back at the portal. "Make your decision now."
Justin closed his eyes and thought of Brian. "Yes, fine, whatever it takes."
Truth nodded and smiled. "Good luck on your journey. We expect great things from you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Justin groaned and finally opened his eyes. A doctor was standing over him. "Do you know where you are?"
Justin licked his lips. "Yeah, hospital. Where's Daphne?"
The doctor pointed a light into each eye causing Justin to flinch. "What's your name?"
"Justin Taylor. My name is Justin Taylor. I'm an artist and I run the community center. Where is Daphne?"
"Calm down, Mr. Taylor. We need to make sure you're alright."
"I'm fine! Where is Daphne?!" Justin sat up attempting to struggle with the doctor.
"Mr. Taylor, if you don't calm down I'll be forced to sedate you. You've been in a coma for almost eleven months."
Justin flopped back on the bed dazed. "Eleven months?! That's not possible."
"What is the last thing you remember, Mr. Taylor?"
Justin closed his eyes and caught a glimpse of auburn hair and intense hazel eyes. He shook his head. "We were leaving the center. The kids had put together an art show and we had a fundraiser."
"Your car was hit by a truck. Do you remember?"
Justin raised his hands to cover his face when he heard a voice say, "You can't count on anyone in this world but yourself. The sooner you learn that lesson the better off you'll be." He lowered his hands and looked at the doctor. "What did you say?"
"I asked if you remembered your car being struck by the truck."
"No, not really. I'm not sure. Please tell me what happened to Daphne."
"She didn't make it. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
Justin buried his face in his hands and sobbed silently as the pain of losing the only friend he'd ever had tore through his body.
It took two weeks of intensive therapy before the doctors felt secure enough to release him from the hospital. Since he and Daphne were both orphans, she'd been buried by the state. His first stop when leaving the hospital was the cemetery. He made his way to the far corner by the huge oak tree. He noticed two headstones and caught his breath when he realized one was Daphne's. He looked at the other stone and felt a weird sense of de ja vu. The only name on the marker was Justin…no last name. He smiled through his tears. It was only fitting that Daphne be buried close to a Justin.
As tears ran down his cheeks, Justin brushed all the leaves from both graves. "Looks like you were always destined to be with a Justin, Daph. I have no doubts that you'll keep this guy on his toes just like you've always done for me." He wiped his cheeks. "I miss you."
Brian walked up the path towards the familiar oak tree. He noticed the man kneeling next to Justin's grave and wondered if this guy was a relative or friend. When he got within hearing distance he heard something that made him smile.
"Justin, you better take care of her and listen to her, because take it from me, Daphne will make you suffer if you disregard her advice."
"Well, if she's with Justin, she'll be just fine."
Justin jumped when he heard that voice inside his head again. He recognized it immediately as the voice he was hearing shortly after waking up from the coma. "Who are you?"
Brian laughed as he watched the blond look up at the sky. "Do you always look at the sky when talking to someone?"
Justin turned around and blinked as his eyes adjusted. He laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. I thought I was hearing things again."
"Do you normally hear things that aren't there?" Brian smirked as the guy squirmed.
"Not usually, but the last few months have been rather unusual."
Brian nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. The last year has been completely alien."
Justin stood, held out his hand, and smiled. He was more than a little attracted to this stranger. "I'm Justin Taylor."
Brian sucked in a very shocked breath as he looked into familiar, clear blue eyes and witnessed that blinding smile he'd grown to love. "Of course your name is Justin. What else would it be?"
Justin tilted his head. "I'm sorry?"
Brian laughed softly. "Nothing…forget about it. My name is Brian Kinney and taking the risk that you'll think I'm fucking insane…your future boyfriend."
Justin noticed that Brian hadn't let go of his hand and he really didn't mind at all. This guy was either the smoothest operator on the planet, crazy, or serious. Either way, it would be fun to find out. "You sound very sure of yourself. How do you know I don't already have someone better?"
Brian raised his eyebrow. "Because there is no one better than me."
Justin laughed loudly. He'd felt so devastated just a few moments ago, but now his whole world was sparking with excitement to match the season. He turned and looked at the grave stone bearing Daphne's name. "You're still looking out for me aren't you?"
Brian heard the softly spoken words. He'd never really believed in miracles or magic until he'd met Justin. Now it seemed he had another reason to believe in Santa Claus. "Always, Justin."
Justin turned back. "You don't even know me, so how can you say something like that?"
Brian nodded before bending down and capturing Justin's lips in a gentle kiss. They both felt the electric jolt that zipped through them.
Brian raised his head. "I know all I need to know right now. We have a life-time to figure out the rest."
Truth smiled as he looked through the portal. He waved his hand and sent a gift to the chosen one and his mate. Suddenly a very haunting melody could be heard clearly, drifting over the trees.
This is something I can't hide
Can't throw it away
This is something I can't fake
They know you're away
They know how to break me
They know you're far away
If this sadness takes its place
I'll free the space it needs
I'm hiding in the place
Where we share the days
Where we share the nights
Go through dark and light
Could you believe I'm waiting for someone
Could you believe I'm holding the night with my hands
Alone in the night on my own
I feel the pain inside me
Only you can heal me
This is something I can't take
I feel so lame
There is nothing in my mind
But you all the way
You rule every moment
You're the air around me
Love's a lonely road sometimes
I keep moving on
Towards the moment you'll be mine
A long way to go
To where we belong
We'll be there before long
Could you believe I'm waiting for someone
Could you believe I'm holding the night with my hands
Alone in the night on my own
I feel the pain inside me
Only you can heal me
By sharing this moonlight
And the tears in my midnight cry
I need to hear you breathe by
Me in the night, deep in the night.
Alone in the night on my own
I feel the pain inside me
Only you can heal me
Sunrise Avenue - Heal Me Lyrics
The End.
Christmas 2007